We Don't Need No Stinking GPS

Well we flew from Panama City, Panama to David, Panama today (David, is pronouned Dah Veed down here). Our goal was to make it to our hotel in Boquete, Panama before it got dark - oh well ...shucks...and doggone it - guess what we didn't make it.



The plane arrived on time in David, and there were Rent-A-Cars so this was good. I thought I was walking into the Hertz booth, but discovered I was in the Budget booth instead....who cares? what's the diffence? I got really excited that we could get a car with full insurance for less than $50 per day...on top of that....they have Nevah-Lost!!! I knew this would be a hit with Nancy.



Well, after a few contract glitches and lugging our 150 lb. circus tent bag of a suit case to the Budget Rent-a-Car place we were almost ready to go. But I couldn't get the Nevah-Lost to speak English. Damn thing kept asking questions in Espanol like; Donde Vayo Condias Amigo? I wasn't sure if it was a "born again" unit trying to save my soul or a "marketing unit" trying to get me to buy some Adidas running shoes. In any case, the local agent was able to correct that within about 15 minutes. Still the sun was going down, as I tryed to key into the system that I wanted to go to Boquete, Panama it said no locations found. The sign at the desk said that the Garmin had every road in Panama mapped, and obviously the major tourista attractions like Boquete should be in there. Nancy was getting frustrated - and decided to help me - you can imagine how well this went....(it could be possible that I forgot to thank her properly for here insight as to how to use this fine piece of equipment)...in any case luckily the Budget agent showed up and began to work on getting us to Boquete.... Well, by now its dark - and the agent explains that even though the Garmin has every street in Panama mapped - they must have omitted the entire city of Boquete. Budget took the Garmin back - gave us a half azzed map - and said Vayos Condidos Gringos! (Go with God you dumb Americanos) y Buena Suerte! (Good Luck).


So we set out in the dark, in an uncharted (at least by Garmin) part of the world, with a half azzed map. We made it through David - which is a testy little drive with some of the worst drivers and pedestirans you will ever imagine - but we missed a turn - and had it not been for Nancy making me ask directions 5 times - we probably would have made it back to Panama City by some time in January.



Asking directions is never easy for us real men, and neither is answering them. The first guy I spoke to was shocked - it could have been my appearance - I know I look like a dumb Gringo - when I said "Senor, por favor, donde es Boquete? He smiled, I think he was relieved that I wasn't going to waste a whole lot of his time - and pointed us back in the opposite way we were going. Then he started speaking in rapid fire spanish - which always loses me - but I thought I had the general idea.



We had to retrace 20 miles we had driven, but son-of-a-gun we made it to Boquete, Panama. Which as you now know, is not even on the Nevah Lost GPS System. We are now somewhere near the town of Boquete, which you can see on this jake-legged Google map. Not only that, we found our hotel in this "podunk, dog-barking all night long, two-bit joint of an "eco tourism" town. If they have a couple of cases of Cerveza or Tequila - I may be able to get some sleep. This place makes Naples, Texas look like New York City.


I think there are lessons to be learned here. Clearly these trials and tribulations are what you must go through to find true paradise. Secondly, I can understand why there are no reports of Mrs. Columbus travelling with Chris. Finally, I'm sure Christopher Columbus experienced the same things I did, and just like old Chris. C........we don't need no stinking Nevah Lost GPS!


Have Mercy.


All the best,


Mike