While we were in college Jimmy came by the house to invite us to go see a new movie called The Exorcist. Jimmy said it was real scary and that people had been fainting while watching it at the theaters in Dallas. To me, a scary movie was something like Dracula, Frankenstein, or the Wolfman. So, I said great let's go to Dallas and see it.
Little did I know how my Baptist upbringing had so ill-prepared me to confront Satan as depicted in The Exorcist. As far as my training went, Satan, was a real sharp dressed guy, who was always trying to get you to commit a sin. He did this in various ways, usually by tempting you with something cool (money, women, booze, cars, etc). Satan never bellowed, turned green, spun his head around, or threw up green pea soup on you - at least not where I went to church.
That movie scared the Hell out of me. On the way home, I said every single prayer I could think of. And I didn't sleep well for several nights after that.
I didn't know anything about Catholicism but my college Spanish teacher was a former Nun in the Church. So I set up a meeting to see her in regard to the Exorcist and exorcism in general. This turned out to be another bad move on my part. She explained to me how she had been at The Alexian Brothers Medical Center in St. Louis where a boy had been possessed by the Devil. She told how you could here the kid screaming all over the campus. She also said that a priest went in and his Bible turned to ash. This was not what I was hoping to hear. Turns out there is quite a bit of documentation on the St. Louis exorcism. Yikes!!!
One night I had an awful dream. Carol and I were out water skiing. She fell on her skis and went under the water. When she came up out of the water, she was crying and said that Satan had tried to "get her" when she was under the water. I told her to "tell that son of a bitch to leave you alone and come see me". Another bad move - now I had Satan really pissed off at me. Luckily, I woke up pretty soon.
If all of this weren't enough, one night two tom cats got in a fight under the trailer house we lived in. If you have never heard tom cats fighting in a trailer park, let me tell you, they sound just like Old Beelzebub Himself! Scared the shit out of me again.
Finally, in desperation, I went to see a priest, with a goal of joining the priesthood. He explained that I could not become a priest because I was married - shows you just how much I know about the Catholic Faith. But he explained to me that "Demonic Possession" rarely occurs, and when it does, it is normally of young innocent people - not idiots like myself. So with my "lack of innocence as protection" I kind of got over the fear of Demonic Possession.
All of this happened in 1973, which is 36 years ago now. Fortunately, Satan has not caught up with me yet. But as an added precaution, when I got remarried, I married a nice Catholic Girl - who worked at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center for over 20 years. You just can't take chances when you're fighting Satan.
One more thing......
You know what happens when you don't pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
All the best,
Mike
As far as I know, everything in this post is absolutely true. If you don't believe me you can ask Jimmy Sanders or my wife, Nancy Roberts.
Excellent post. Did you read the St. Louis book?
ReplyDeleteJake,
ReplyDeleteI was way too scared to read the St. Louis book.....I am still gambling that my lack of purity and innocense may save me from attack. In fact, as far as it goes, I encourage all of my friends to be vulgar... and nasty so as to avoid being pocessed.
All the best,
mike