Lately, I have been hearing that fat blowhard, Rush Limbaugh, lipping-off about how he wants Obama to fail, and how it would be terrible if we “socialized” healthcare, banking, and automobile manufacturing. According to fat-ass Rush, socialization of these institutions would lead to the complete downfall of our country. Although, I’ve been called rude, anti-social, and darn mean – it occurred to me that I really didn’t know that much about “socialism”. Generally, in terms of philosophical issues like these, I find it best to get my information “straight from the horses’ mouth”. (You can’t always trust everyone to be as fair and unbiased as Fox News.) That is why Sunday afternoon I channeled the Spirit of Karl Marx to the Let Go Journal (LGJ) office here in Cordova, to discuss the pro’s and con’s of “Socialism” and how it relates to our current economic problems in the automobile and banking industries.
LGJ: As background, for you readers who, like me, never spent much time thinking about the “true meaning of socialism”, let me give you a little background on our special guest, Karl Marx.
Karl Marx was born in Prussia May 5, 1818. He became well known as a philosopher, economist, sociologist, historian, and revolutionary. He is best known for his books, “The Communist Manifesto” and “Das Kapital”. He is often creditied as the "Founder of Communism". Karl left this planet on March 14, 1883, but has been kind enough to return here for this exclusive interview with the Let Go Journal.
LGJ: “Let me get this ball rolling here”, I said. “Professor Marx, welcome, and thanks for popping in tonight. Nancy and I are delighted to have you as our guest.” Nancy, would you mind getting the professor some coffee?”
Karl: No, thank-you Mrs. Roberts. But I would enjoy to have a beer with you, Mr. Roberts.
LGJ: Professor Marx, please call Mike,
Karl: Very well then, Mike and you may call me Karl.
LGJ: Great, Karl. There’s my beer fridge right there just help yourself.
Karl: Thanks – I haven’t had a good Budweiser in almost 200 years.
LGJ: Glad to oblige.
LGJ: Karl, let’s get down to business if we may. First off, Karl, in your view “what is socialism and how do you define it.”
Note: Karl’s English was good, though he spoke with a heavy German accent as he popped the top on his Budweiser and began to explain socialism
Karl: “I started to develop the definition of modern socialism in the late nineteenth-century (around 1850) as “a working class political and intellectual movement of that time. We were very much critical of the effects of industrialization and private ownership on the proletariat. Socialism……”
LGJ: “Excuse me, sorry to interupt Karl. I am trying to get all this down for the Let Go Journal, I Now what is this word you use here “proletariat”."
Karl: “No Problem, Mike.” “The proletariat is just a way of saying "working class people", you know the average guy, what you call… the Joe Six Packs.” For centuries, Karl continued “Joe Six Packs” has been getting SKA-ROO-WED to death by the bourgeoisie.”
LGJ: (I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the way Karl says "screwed" sounds like” SKA-ROO-WED”) Excuse me Karl, did you just say SKA-ROO-WWED by the what?
“what was that Karl, a ….“Bushwazee”? I asked. “Sounds like something to do with George W. Bush to me.”
Karl: (Laughing) “You are not that far off, Mike” The bourgeoisie, is the upper classs of society, you know the ones who owns everything, never work, and always wind up SKA-ROO-WED Joe Six Pack to death. George Bush would be a pretty good example. Come from a very wealthy and influential family. Dodged the Vietnam war. Stayed drunk over half his life, and then becomes the President of your country. Parties in the White House for 8 years, makes a beeeeg mess, leaves all the Joe Six Packs SKA-ROO-WWED Beeeg Time!
LGJ: “OK. So Karl, you see this as sort of a class struggle between the wealthy, which you call the Bushwazee, and the ordinary working guy, Joe Six Pack, which you call the proletariat? And the Bushwazee is always SKA-ROO-ING Joe Six Pack. Is that about it, Karl?” I asked.
Karl Marx: “Yah, dats pretty much it. So, to stop Joe Six Packs from getting SKA-ROO-WED all the time by the Bushwazee, we decided that the government should own everything. That way we could pass out the goodies more evenly to everybody”. I always believed that socialism would be achieved via class struggle and a proletarian revolution and would represent the transitional stage between capitalism and communism.”
LGJ: “So, you wanted the Joe Six Pack’s of this world to rise up and kick ass on the George Bush types. Then take the wealth of the nation and put it in a big pot and divide it up more evenly."
Karl: “Well that was the general idea, Mike. But it never works. You see, no matter where we move the “wealth, or as we call it the means of production, the Bushwazee come and take it from the Joe Six Packs. We give “wealth to the government”, Bushwazee take over the government”. We give wealth to Joe Six Packs, Bushwazee, come and take wealth. Doesn’t matter”.
LGJ: You mean socialism doesn’t work, Karl? How come?
Karl: “Nope Socialism never works – the problem is two beeeg problems. Number One Beeg Problem: Joe Six Packs is too dumb. Number Two Beeg Problem: Bushwazee is too smart. Never works”
LGJ: Damn, that is truly bad news. So are you saying that the Big Fat-Ass Blowhard Rush Limbaugh is right and that we shouldn’t bail out the banks and the automotive companies?
Karl: “Absolutely, think about it, Mike. This is the beegest danger of a Beeg Fat-Assed Blowhard like Rush Limbaugh. Just when you think he can’t get any more stupid – he has spark of brilliance And Rush has this one nailed.
LGJ: Tell me more Karl.
Karl: You see the rich people have already stolen all of the money out of the car companies and banks. They spent it on nice offices, corporate jets, beeg salaries, huge bonuses, and other amenities, while they ran the companies into the ground. Now they want to get loans and bailouts from Joe Six Packs so they can start all over again. Worse, yet, Joe Six Packs is so dumb – he thinks if he doesn’t bail them out – “he’ll lose his freakin job”.
LGJ: If we bail out that banks and auto companies will that really lead to the downfall of our country, like Rush Limbaugh says?
Karl: (Laughing) No, it won’t lead to the downfall of the country. What will happen is all of the Joe Six Packs gonna mortage you children and grandchildren’s future, to bail out the Bushwazee! Then your children and grandchildren can continue to be slaves to the Bushwazee. My ideas on socialism were great…..but you can’t make it work with Shit-for -Brains, Joe Six Packs on your side.
LGJ: Dang, Karl, I think you are absolutely right. And it’s truly depressing. Have another beer – let’s go watch the Superbowl. I'll give you Arizona and 10 what do ya say?
All the best,