Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Surprises in the Mail Box!!! Pornography?

As I have said before, having a common name like "Mike Roberts" has some advantages that those of you with more unusual and sophisticated names would not know. When, I was growing up in Naples, Texas (population 1500) there were two Mike Roberts' in town. Of course one was me, in the seventh grade at the time; the other was actually Michael F. Roberts, aged about 23 at the time. One of the greatest things I remember about the other Mike Roberts was that he had a subscription to the hottest magazine around in the 1960's; you guessed it Playboy Magazine.

On occaision, the Rural Mail Carrier would get things mixed up and I would be the lucky recipient of this month's edition of Playboy. Man this was a big deal. You knew it was something special because it came wrapped so that you couldn't actually see what was inside. After I got the first one, I tried to be first to the mailbox everyday. These things were very hard for us to get back then, there was only one place in town that you could even buy them. Obviously, these were considered "dirty" magazines and that is why they came wrapped the way they did. Now that I think about it, I never said thanks to Michael F. So, here it is, thanks Michael F. Roberts for accidently sharing your Playboy subscription with me.

Today, I got a strange package wrapped in black in the mail. Nancy brought it in, and I couldn't help but thinking that there might be someone else here in Cordova, TN named Mike Roberts. In my opinion, the Playboy Magazine's of the 1960's were an art form compared to some of the smut you see today - even on Television. I wondered what sort of perversion would come in a black bag these days? Here's a picture of this strange mail piece I got today. Kind of suspicious looking wouldn't you say?

As has always been my habit (since the seventh grade) I opened the package very carefully. Didn't want to damage any of the potentially "important contents".

Friends you won't believe the filth that this package contained. At the risk of embarrassing many of my colleagues - I am putting a picture of just the cover of this smut here on the pages of the prestigous Let Go Journal. And here you have it.....
I kept the image small here on the journal so as not to embarrass those of you who work for "the company". That's right - the dirty magazine I received this month is the International Paper annual report. The only "indecent exposure" in this document was the financial exposure that those of us shareholders experienced as we rode this pig down from $40 a share down to it's current level of $8. You know what.......I appreciate why Chairman and CEO John Faraci wanted this sent out in a black bag - it is truly embarrassing. Not that IP's performance was bad this year - it's usually bad - IP has performed poorly for two decades. The embarrassement is if your collegues, friends and neighbors were to find out that you were stupid enough to invest in this company. Thanks for your consideration and the black bag Mr. Faraci.
Honestly, I wish I had gotten this month's Playboy instead.
All the best,
Mike Roberts

1 comment:

  1. Hi Mike, how come I haven't seen my black bag yet? Anyway, if we had a few people named "Roberts" in our organization, I think our financial problems would disappear. Your friends at xpedx are pulling for you.